WANT, NEED and DESIRE
this is the golden rule of reciprocity and justice
this is not only human but found all over Nature and in many organism populations in the universe.
Called “Reciprocal Altruism”
even vampire bats are shown to exhibit it:
Vampire bats also display reciprocal altruism, as described by Wilkinson. The bats feed each other by regurgitating blood. Since bats only feed on blood and will die after just 70 hours of not eating, this food sharing is a great benefit to the receiver and a great cost to the giver. To qualify for reciprocal altruism, the benefit to the receiver would have to be larger than the cost to the donor. This seems to hold as these bats usually die if they do not find a blood meal two nights in a row. Also, the requirement that individuals who have behaved altruistically in the past are helped by others in the future is confirmed by the data. However, the consistency of the reciprocal behaviour, namely that a previously non-altruistic bat is refused help when it requires it, has not been demonstrated. Therefore, the bats do not seem to qualify yet as an unequivocal example of reciprocal altruism. (from wikipedia)
These EMOTIONAL REACTIONS of STRONG DISLIKE
and STRONG LIKE
<note, the problem is, this is also PASSION which is a wonderful human quality, and without such emotional natures and reactions, we find we are PASSIONLESS bummer>
inform most of your decisions and are emotional gut, instinctual reactions.
these inform your choices, like I will be friends with them because I LIKE them, or
I can not be your friend any more because now I do not LIKE you because you were not reciprocal towards me, you are taking too much and I feel like I gave you a lot and did not get back what I gave.
this is reciprocity
and these are PREFERENCES and PREFERENTIAL treatment based on emotional response
There is a fable that when the badger had been stung all over by bees, a bear consoled him by a rhapsodic account of how he himself had just breakfasted on their honey. The badger replied peevishly, “The stings are in my flesh, and the sweetness is on your muzzle.” The bear, it is said, was surprised at the badger’s want of altruism. [“George Eliot,” “Theophrastus Such,” 1879]
When we do not get treated in this fashion it creates
Also known as “SIN” or “THE EVIL EYE” or also “HUBRIS”
“ill will excited by some special cause,” late 15c., from grudge (v.).
The Grouch, on the other Hand, gave a correct Imitation of a Bear with a Sore Toe. His Conversation was largely made up of Grunts. He carried a Facial Expression that frightened little Children in Street Cars and took all the Starch out of sentimental Young Ladies. He seemed perpetually to carry the Hoof-Marks of a horrible Nightmare. [George Ade, “People You Know,” 1902]
The verb is 1916, from the noun. Related: Grouched; grouching. Grouch bag “purse for carrying money secretly” (1908), probably so called for keeping the cash hidden from compatriots; it is the source of the nickname of U.S. comedian Julius “Groucho” Marx (1890-1977), who supposedly carried his money to poker games in one.
This can create many problems for everyone
including illness and sickness, (BECAUSE WOE IS ME )
especially of the Grudge bearer, or the one who feels the contempt (righteous or not) the strongest
this can be because they are HIDDEN in this GRUDGE PURSE
“Most people seemed to believe that they were experts of their own life story,” he writes. “They had a set of memories that they strung like beads, and this necklace told a sensible tale.” But, he suggests that “most of these stories would fall apart under strict examination — that, in fact, we were only peeping through a keyhole of our lives, and the majority of the truth, the reality of what happened to us, was hidden.”
malice, malevolence, ill will, spite, malignity, spleen, grudge mean the desire to see another experience pain, injury, or distress. malice implies a deep-seated often unexplainable desire to see another suffer.
- ⟨felt no malice toward their former enemies⟩
malevolence suggests a bitter persistent hatred that is likely to be expressed in malicious conduct.
- ⟨a look of dark malevolence⟩
ill will implies a feeling of antipathy of limited duration.
- ⟨ill willprovoked by a careless remark⟩
spite implies petty feelings of envy and resentment that are often expressed in small harassments.
- ⟨petty insults inspired by spite⟩
malignity implies deep passion and relentlessness.
- ⟨a life consumed by motiveless malignity⟩
spleensuggests the wrathful release of latent spite or persistent malice.
- ⟨venting his spleenagainst politicians⟩
grudge implies a harbored feeling of resentment or ill will that seeks satisfaction.
- ⟨never one to harbor a grudge⟩
Since often this ILL WILL
is JUSTIFIED by a terrible thing or trauma,
it creates a BURDEN OF CONTEMPT
to be carried by the victim, or holder of the cheat, we carry the burden of the beast
This must be minded and healed AND SHARED in order that it not consume everyone and everything into dehumanizing, demonizing cycles of samsara,
but it proves very difficult to reconcile, and certainly we are a far way off from it yet.
If you find your CONTEMPT is too large to reconcile, consider growing it SO LARGE it covers over everything, this too can be a strategy for managing it called CONTEMPTUS MUNDI where the hatred is taken on as a spiritual practice that accepts that the world and worldly things contain darkness hate and horror.
Gaining and researching strategies for healing your contempt must be investigated if you find you are consumed by it, in order that the poison not toxify you body mind and soul.
To tame the wolf of hate, it’s important to get a handle on “ill will” – irritated, resentful, and angry feelings and intentions toward others. While it may seem justified in the moment, ill will harms you probably more than it harms others. In another metaphor, having ill will toward others is like throwing hot coals with bare hands: both people get burned.
Avoiding ill will does not mean passivity, allowing yourself or others to be exploited, staying silent in the face of injustice, etc.
There is plenty of room for speaking truth to power and effective action without succumbing to ill will. Think of Gandhi, Martin Luther King, or the Dalai Lama as examples. In fact, with a clear mind and a peaceful heart, your actions are likely to be more effective.
Ill will creates negative, vicious cycles. But that means that good will can create positive cycles. Plus good will cultivates wholesome qualities in you.”
Buddhism present strategies and acknowledgements of these as well as the obstacles such emotional preferences cause in our lives,
2. ill will
Ill will (vyapada) is similar to sense desire in that the object of the hindrance is its dominant feature; this is not the case with the other three hindrances. In both sense desire and ill will we are strongly attached to an object which we are reluctant to let go. With sense desire we are trapped through our craving; in the case of ill will we are trapped through our aversion to it – yet the fascination of the object, the power of its spell over us, is no less strong.
The I Ching Recommends meeting people HALF WAY or in the middle, which is a way of the golden rule, or middle path and even if you CANT give them total emancipation from their evil, you could give them part and in that way not sacrifice your own values nor take everything for yourself
Ultimately each individual will have to find what works best for themselves and what they want to feed their hate wolf, and what they want to starve it from,
but this is a deeply internal and natural phenomenon that each human being must and should wrestle with in order to come into harmony and equilibrium with their resting state, especially when experiencing severe disturbance of any kind.
Shamanic and indigenous practices to deal with these kinds of disturbances are many and varied, for a system you can implement that includes these strategies please see here and investigate THE WAY OF HEAVEN
when low skies weightier than a coffin-lid
cast on the moaning soul their weary blight,
and from the whole horizon’s murky grid
its grey light drips more dismal than the night;
when earth’s a dungeon damp whose chill appals,
in which — a fluttering bat — my Hope, alone
buffets with timid wing the mouldering walls
and beats her head against the dome of stone;
when close as prison-bars, from overhead,
the clouds let fall the curtain of the rains,
and voiceless hordes of spiders come, to spread
their infamous cobwebs through our darkened brains,
explosively the bells begin to ring,
hurling their frightful clangour toward the sky,
as homeless spirits lost and wandering
might raise their indefatigable cry;
and ancient hearses through my soul advance
muffled and slow; my Hope, now pitiful,
weeps her defeat, and conquering Anguish plants
his great black banner on my cowering skull.
— Charles Baudelaire, Flowers of Evil (New York: Ives Washburn, 1931)